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Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: August 8th, 2023

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  • NTA. I’m not sure what you mean by ‘prove you can take it like an adult’. That’s not a quality of being a responsible adult. You’re not married to him. It sounds more like you’re valuing his feelings over your own. You’ve done the adult thing by communicating with him about the matter, and he’s not doing the adult thing by making excuses and repeating the behavior.

    Perhaps there’s also a sunk cost fallacy at play in which you feel that if you end it now then it will have been a waste of time. That’s quite common, but a relationship isn’t the amount of the time spent. It’s about the time shared with them.

    Do you enjoy spending time with them? Do you feel respected, heard? Or is there tension, things unspoken, passive aggressive behaviour? You’re under no obligation to put up with anyone for any reason, especially at 22.

    And slightly off topic, may I add—something I’d advise to anyone your age—don’t get married. Obviously, I don’t know you or your fiancée (I’m sure they’re lovely). And sure, some unions made at ages even younger than 22 last a lifetime, but don’t do it. At 22 you don’t realize how young you still are and how long life is. How much you and your partner will change. It may seem condescending, I don’t mean it to be. I say this because I’ve never met a single person who by the age of thirty doesn’t look back at themselves at that age and say “my God, I was still a kid.” Reflect on who you were at 15 years old, and imagine getting married then.

    I recommend either living with them a while, or if you like traveling, backpack Europe together or take a road trip (whatever’s feasible for you). Maybe you’ve already done this. If so, great. Maybe you go traveling and it doesn’t go so well. This doesn’t mean you should break up with them either. It’s not pass or fail. But it serves as a crucible with which to learn more about yourselves. Maybe if I saw the special thing you both have together I’d rethink this tangent. I can’t say. Best of luck in either regard.