That’s just how the landlord wallpapers the apartments

“I’m so tired, I could eat a horse”

Animated gif of a bird ramming its beak into part of a wooden structure connected to the back of my house: deck peck

Smoking weed, hooking into my mp3 player, then going to the park to vibe on the swing

My therapist’s notes on our sessions

As an aromantic, I can 9001% get behind this

This creature would be a better president

Install directly into the base of the brainstem

Just once I want to see an Onion headline like “Mamdani sneezes on man’s sandwich” or something like that just so we can have some temporary fake outrage about him

But seriously, this guy just can’t stop being amazing, can he?

Heh lol

I’m just here to see the meme get proven right in the comments

Stop feeding the troll

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The name is familiar but I’m drawing blank. I wanna say that’s a Hitchhikers Guide character, I think I could be mistaken. (Explanation for the deleted comments: comment mitosis)

I read this to my spouse and their response was pointing at the door and saying “get out”

This is the only appropriate response to a dad joke

Evolution was a scam all along to make future chiropractors more money! /s

You can’t lose weight, but that’s okay because the lack of appetite balances that out! (A common side effect my antidepressants have)

Now we know why they allowed animal abusers to join. You don’t have to worry about being ratted out if your lover is a literal rat. You don’t have to worry if your lover is a metaphorical snake if it’s a literal one. You don’t have to worry about being hounded for information if your lover is a literal hound.

The first few books of the old testament are just bad fanfiction based off the Epic of Gilgamesh

The book of Job is about Adonaiyahwehjehovahbob bragging about torturing an innocent man.

And I’m sure a lot of the other old testament books (both protestant and catholic) are just as problematic.